It is amazing what children can do when the adults in their lives have high expectations! Children can amaze you with what they can do and what they can learn!
Of course, the idea is to have high expectations, but to also provide a "safety net" should a child fail at something. So, the ultimate goal is for children to be willing to try new skills that should be within their grasp knowing that an adult "has their back." It is important, though, for adults to step in only when absolutely necessary. Children grow by trying to do the "hard things." They even grow by failing. “Failure is success if we learn from it.” - Malcolm Forbes
In learning to be a teacher, one of the most important things we were taught was "Vygotsky's Zone of Proximal Development." Vygotsky was a famous Russian psychologist who studied how children learn. The Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD) refers to the difference between what a learner can do independently and what he or she can achieve with guidance and encouragement from a skilled mentor or partner. Vygotsky argued that learning only takes place when a child is getting just enough help and encouragement to reach a higher level than what he or she could reach alone (https://www.simplypsychology.org/zone-of-proximal-development.html).
This is where teachers and parents come in! Adults partner with the student, making sure that the student is striving for more than they can presently do independently. The expectation should be that he or she will soon be able to do the difficult skill independently! As much as a student can do, adults should allow them to do, with only as much help from the adult (or capable mentor) as is necessary for the child to be successful.
At ASA, this means that we ask students to carry their own things and be responsible for them. It means we teach them to open and close their own backpacks, lunch boxes, and snacks, and to clean up afterward. We help students learn to put on and zip/button their own jackets and sweaters. We allow the children to experience the consequences of leaving their stuff behind (when they've been reminded to bring it), of going outside without a jacket, and of forgetting their folders. Children learn that it is okay to occasionally be uncomfortable because they failed to plan well! Being uncomfortable not only helps students to learn natural consequences, but also how to problem solve. How can they improve their own situation? Can they solve this for next time?
Keeping all of this in mind, the staff at ASA also teach the children the concept of mercy. Sometimes, even when a person might well deserve consequences, they do not get them. Sometimes, the teachers will decide to graciously step in and help alleviate a distressing consequence. This too teaches. It helps children to learn that no one is perfect, and to be grateful when others help them even when they messed up. It also helps students learn to be empathetic and to help each other.
Still, even with help, sometimes children fail. What is important, though, is that they get back up and try again. This ability to get back up and try again repeatedly is called grit or resilience. There are many studies showing the value of grit and resilience (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8645691/).
To develop these important skills, though, a child needs to know that he or she has a "safety net." When (not if) they fail, students should be confident that there will be someone to lift them back up again, supporting and encouraging them, so that they may try again until they are successful! This confidence allows a child to continue to try because the child knows he or she has support.
As we work to grow strong, resilient, kind young people, we should keep Vygotsky’s Zone of Proximal Development in mind. Adults who do so will carefully come alongside the children in their lives to help those children accomplish what they cannot yet accomplish alone. These adults will encourage independence and high expectations, but will also provide a strong safety net and encouragement for the child. Such a supportive partnership will allow every child to learn and grow in the best ways possible, and to become a confident and successful adult!
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